The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
