i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
