Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
