i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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