so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
