i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
