Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
