She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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