I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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