just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
