she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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