You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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