He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
