eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
