He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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