I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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