You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
