Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i believe in u and ur pee
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
