Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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