She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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