I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
