i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
