When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
