I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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