her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
