Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
