you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
