i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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