They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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