you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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