I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
