Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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