You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
