Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
