The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My dick has a subreddit
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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