i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
