Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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