Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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