It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
