Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
