yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
