I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
