Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
one two three fourrrrnication!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
