my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize