I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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