So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
