I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize