It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
