dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
