Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with

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(214): View more from Texas

bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.

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(323): View more from California

It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.

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(616): View more from Michigan

He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.

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