im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
