Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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