he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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