I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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