I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
