never play flip cup with pint glasses
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
