Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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