I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she peed on how many people?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
