go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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