I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
