Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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