forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't deserve a penis
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
