I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize