I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
worst night to have a conscience
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
