Pants 0. Shit 1.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
