I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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