Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
