I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
