I accidentally had phone sex last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
