Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
