Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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