im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize