I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
