Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
