After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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