FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize