I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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