I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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