Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
