so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize