it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
