yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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