one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
