Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just threw up on my dentist
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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