im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
