Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
