The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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