I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everyone says I win the strip club
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize