Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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