The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
