I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sext me about skeletons
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
