i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
