YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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