I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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