the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
