Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
time to smoke my breakfast
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
