The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
