I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
