Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
