I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
