i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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