You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize