did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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