Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
