I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
