I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
